Basic HTML Version
66
maskmatters.org
summer
2012
Role Model//
For most male teens, a father is generally thought of as a rough, but
supporting figure—someone who’s there to play football in the park on
weekends or to talk to about problems at school. But, from my personal
perspective, my dad is quite different from those overused descriptions.
My dad is heavily sarcastic at times, passing out caustic remarks about
my intelligence or appearance. And although it may seem odd to
many, this is one of the reasons he’s my main family role model.
Because he’s constantly working and running his own business,
the time I spend with my dad is limited. By the time he comes home,
he’s tired and doesn’t want to speak. My dad and I
both understand the importance of spending time
together, so we try our best to update each other on
what’s going on in our daily lives. But the way my
dad speaks is rather unique; he doesn’t hide the truth
(even if it hurts) and says exactly what’s on his mind.
This often results in me feeling somewhat hurt or
uncomfortable. But over time, I’ve become used to
my dad’s way of speaking. Although his insults seem mean and biting,
they almost always have a hidden meaning—something that teaches me
a lesson each time.This story isn’t meant to denounce or criticize my dad;
it’s meant to show the unique way he deals with problems in the family.
Recently, when I was frustrated with my homework, I threw it at the
wall, which did nothing to help my problems. My dad walked in the room,
smiled and closed the door behind him. After sitting quietly for a couple
of minutes, I realized that I wasn’t going to get any help. My dad let me
think about it for a few minutes before he got up and left the room.
The way he dealt with the situation made me realize that, in
the real world, the only way you can solve your own problems is
by helping yourself. It’s rare for someone to come to you and ask
what’s wrong. You have to learn how to get help yourself.
Still sulking, I went downstairs and asked my dad if he would help
me with my math homework. After calling me “obtuse” and inquiring
if I had paid any attention in class, he sat down and helped me through
the problems on the worksheet. When I saw how easy to understand
the homework actually was, I realized yet another thing: The only way
to solve a problem is to calm down and give it a different approach.
Through my dad’s frequent and amusing remarks, I have
slowly discovered how to solve problems on my own. Because of
this, I feel that my dad is the most important role model in my
family—his disguised lessons on life have helped me to grow in
numerous ways. I can only hope to retain all that my dad has taught
me, so I will be able to keep calm and figure out how to deal with
the many upcoming and inevitable conflicts life will bring.
–Alex Jen
“Ironically, in the long
run, [her leaving]
made us a lot closer.”
Road to RecoveRy//
Emily* has ridden horses as long as she can remember. She’s also
lived with an alcoholic mother during most of her elementary school
life.Throughout her childhood, Emily spent most of her time at
friends’ houses, while trying to cope with her mother’s negligence.
Overwhelmed by feelings of rejection, she spent her time at a neighbor’s
home, trying to forget about her problems, mostly induced by her
mother’s drinking. Emily says that her mom “just wasn’t the mom I
always knew,” now spending all of her time drunk on the couch.
After dealing with an inattentive and alcoholic mother since third
grade, her mom finally went to a rehab
facility for alcoholics once Emily entered
the fifth grade. Once again, Emily’s mom
was absent from her life, leaving 9-year-
old Emily to take care of herself and her
little brother. Although she accepted the
responsibility—one she felt should have been
taken care of by a mom who wasn’t there—
Emily was still a little girl dealing with immense feelings of sadness and
inadequacy because of her mother’s physical and emotional absence.
Emily now says that her mother’s time in rehab was absolutely
essential, not only to her own future, but also for Emily’s and her brother’s.
“Ironically, in the long run, [her leaving] made us a lot closer,”
Emily says. “But at the time, I distanced myself from her because it
was so sad. I let myself think that she was tired rather than drunk.”
This brought about even more feelings of sadness and
resentment toward her mother—feelings that would not
dissipate until another two years of Emily’s life had passed.
“It made me a lot more mature,” she says. “It also made me
realize what I don’t want my life or my child’s life to be like.”
Today, Emily is 15 years old and lives with her mom,
grateful for all of the sacrifices her mother has made and the
work she has done to maintain her sobriety. She is grateful to
her mother for being the mom Emily always needed.
The struggles they’ve been through have brought them together in
ways she says otherwise would not have been possible. By finally being
able to rely on her mother as what Emily now calls a “better person,” their
relationship was completely transformed.They now have a relationship
built on trust and love rather than on resentment and uncertainty. Emily
says that “despite everything she’s done and as a result of everything
she’s overcome, she is the best mom anyone could ever ask for.”
– Natalie Dunn
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summer
2012
maskmatters.org
67
Family in Fracture//
These days, my brother and my family are two separate parts of my life.
Although my brother is interested in being a part of the family, my parents
have built a barrier between them and him.They started alienating my
brother long before he left for college, though the effects weren’t felt at
first. Slowly, as he withdrew because of his then-undiagnosed bipolar
disorder, they withdrew, too.They stopped
asking him about his day and to help out around
the house; they stopped the small talk that
connects parents to their children during the
teenage years. His plans were simply treated
as separate from the rest of the family’s.
When we repainted the house, everyone had
a say in wall colors—everyone except my brother,
who was asked simply what he wanted to paint
his room. It didn’t seem problematic at the time because he didn’t seem to
care about the color of the walls that he spent most of his time staring at.
Since his diagnosis, however, he has been interested in joining the family
again, but he has also become increasingly religious.This religion is what
bothers my mother, but it doesn’t simply bother her. It bothers her
to the point that she “mourns the loss of her son,” she says, as if he
is so separate from the family that he may as well not even be alive.
The divide between my brother and my mother was especially
apparent when he recently came home to visit from college. We
had to clean the entire house before he
came, as if he was some kind of guest we
needed to impress. His return home felt
like we were putting up a distant relative
for a few nights, not someone with
whom I spent most of my childhood.
My brother and mother were never
destined to get along; they are two very
different people. But perhaps if we had
spent more time as a family during the time when my brother removed
himself from the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have drifted apart
to such a great degree, and perhaps my family would still be united.
– Jane Smith*
“my brother and mother
were never destined to
get along; they are two
very different people.”