According to Susan Carney, a guidance counselor at Upper Moreland Middle School in Hatboro, Pennsylvania, teens find it difficult to say no because they’re are afraid of losing a friend, looking uncool, or being left out of the crowd.
“The trick,” she says, “is to practice saying no in a variety of situations so you’re prepared for anything. By learning a bunch of possible responses, you are more likely to be able to come up with one that fits the situation when the time arises.”
Carney offers 10 way teens can reply to peer pressure. She suggests role playing typical situations with friends or an adult you trust, and practice using each one.
Give a reason why it’s a bad idea. Maybe you can’t smoke because you want to be able to run the mile for the track team. Maybe you don’t want to drink because you know someone who is an alcoholic and you can see how drinking has messed up their life. Backing up your refusal with evidence gives it more power.
Suggest an alternative activity. Lots of kids wind up doing stuff they shouldn’t because they lack other options. They’re bored. By thinking of something better to do, you’re offering everyone an “out.” You just might be surprised by who might take you up on it.
Leave the situation. If you don’t like where things are headed, you can take off. It might seem risky, but with you leading the way, other kids who really don’t want to do it either just may follow you.
The power of numbers. Make a pact with your friends to stick to your guns. Often, knowing that your friends will back you up can help you feel more comfortable being assertive. Sometimes “we” feels stronger than “I.”