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Bullying: What Lies Beneath

Bullying has taken on such a strong label.  When I was a kid, it was called someone being mean to me or vice versa. The difference is, back when we parents, were then,  kids. We had consequences. At school, You either got a swat, or beat up.  At home, you got spanked or hit. Consequences caused fear, which caused pain. Definitely made me think twice.  It also kept us in line. The consequences set the boundaries for us.

  Our children these days don’t know boundaries or fear of a consequence.

Now, most schools don’t have consequences to reprimand the behavior that causes fear. This is Not all their fault. It’s us as a whole that are to be blamed.  We have created this.

   If there is no fear of getting in trouble, then why not continue to act out?   There are many factors why kids bully.  I bullied because I was angry that my mom was in a bar instead of worrying about what to make me for dinner.  So I was mean because I didn’t want anyone to know that my life was so shameful. If they weren’t my friend. I didn’t have To explain why my mom was gone for a month at a time while I was in 3rd grade.  I went to bed most nights praying I woke the next morning. I also didn’t want Cps to take me. That was my reasoning for being mean.

   See, parenting is much different as well nowadays. And These schools don’t discipline like they used to, partially because they are afraid of the wrath of parents that helicopter over there children. Or it’s the other way and it falls on deaf ears.  See, Parenting is a very intentional job. It is the hardest job and assignment I have ever encountered. It’s also the most rewarding when I can slow down and be present with my daughter to listen to her needs and wants.That, my sweet friends is where the magic is in creating a better life for her, than I had.     I’m not claiming it is Easy. It’s intentional.  I have shared many times with my daughter why kids bully.

 Here is what I would share with you as well.

 Kids don’t just show up and bully. Kids bully because they have some kind of hurt or angst they are trying to get rid of.

 Kids bully because they may see it modeled for them somewhere frequently.

Kids bully for attention

 The reality of it is, that the bullying is never about the person being bullied.

 It is about whatever is going on with the bully. (It hurts my heart that they hurt and are acting out. )

Something that is helpful when talking to children about being bullied is

You can ask , Would you Just go and be mean to someone just because?

Usually the answer is no.

I also would say, “ pray for them

As they are hurting so bad that they are being mean.”

“ you never know what is going on home or in their lives period. “

Unfortunately, it’s hard to be intentional in our parenting all the time. I also believe that we only know what we know ,until we learn better. Don’t mistake this , I’m not claiming I’m parent of the year. Lol. I’m definitely not.

 There isn’t a handbook for parenting. I know for me a lot of times I rely on my community of friends that Pour into my girl too. That way she is surrounded by like minded parenting. It helps. I also learn from my friends and how they parent.  It really does take a village.

Here is what I will leave you with.

I grew up w an alcoholic mom and dad that left when I was 4. So I know for me I carried a lot of pain and anger as a child. As a child you don’t know how to express your feelings. So it comes out, by being mean to others. Please know this, the bullying is just the beginning of the kiddos journey to destruction.  I have been in therapy for years and I have learned and unlearned a lot, in my lifetime due to my absent parents.

  Which is why now my wholehearted passion is to always try and help the underdog, the hurting, and walk alongside them. My Goldenheart Wellness Biz was born out of my God given undeniable heart to help lift others up and show them it’s possible for a better life and happiness.  

 Sometimes all a kiddo needs is a bit of hope and light.

I know that would of meant the world to me.

 Being kind doesn’t cost a thing. Being kind matters now, more than ever.  You never know what someone else is battling. You definitely can make a difference by being nice to someone.  It definitely will make a difference to them.  

I wish you all clarity to see what is going on in front of you. The wisdom to know that you can make a difference. And the heart to be present and patient with our kiddos and their needs.  We as parents are their everything.  And…. I just think phew if I made it. So will she. Lol.

Happy parenting!

In Kindness And love

Christina Ivanhoe

Goldenheart Wellness


“A Wellness Brand”

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