Nights of withdrawal were scarring. I cleaned her wounds when she was abused, and doctors constantly stressed her collapsed veins.
I didn’t know how to confront seeing the life of the person I loved most diminish before me, but nothing hurt more than the nights I begged my best friend not to take her life. And I fooled myself believing I could always be the rock.
I almost lost my best friend not due to an accident or illness, but because she didn’t want to be alive anymore. One night, despite my pleas, she attempted suicide. Although she survived, it felt as though I had lost her. Her spirit was gone and I knew I no longer had my No. 1.
My innocence and naiveté were stolen and my world felt dark. I struggled to fight off the feelings of not wanting to be here anymore, and I intended to numb myself on the night it was the worst. But whatever it was that stopped me after the eighth pill, encouraged me to seek help.
They educated me on feelings, suicidal tendencies and coping. I learned how to help teens make healthy decisions to move forward from their distresses. Teen Lifeline allowed me to give a light to others that I couldn’t give to my best friend or myself. After a few months of being there, I found happiness. I found a family within these people who sought to give help to others in the same ways I did. It was someplace beautiful.
The past years took something from me that I’m not sure I’ll ever get back. Though I do know that had it not been for Teen Lifeline, I may not have ever found my light. I’m not sure I would have known that what I was feeling two years ago was something I didn’t have to feel forever.
I’m healing, but because of Teen Lifeline. I know if something like this crossed my path again, I’d have the resources, support and strength to battle it without losing myself ever again.