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bullying 101
46
maskmatters.org
SPRING
2011
be to read a book together about bullying or
building one’s self esteem; the book can serve as a
springboard to a wide range of questions.
“Be your child’s confidant. Reassure them they
can always tell you anything,” says Diane Mote, a
licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist
in Phoenix, and the author of “Walking in Backwards:
Vignettes of Healing Through Therapy.”
Of course, Bhargava notes, it’s also important to
realize that a parent isn’t always the one a child may
wish to confide in. If your child is reluctant to talk, be
understanding and find a suitable replacement such
as a trusted relative, favorite teacher or community
mentor. And keep in mind that if a bully has
victimized an older child, sharing that information
with a parent can be excruciating on its own.
“Adolescents especially have a hard time talking
to their parents about (bullying) because they feel
they should be able to handle it themselves or they’re
afraid the parent might make the situation worse,”
Bhargava says.
BULLYING EVOLVED
Parents and caregivers also need to know the
different kinds of bullying that today’s kids face
because things have changed over the years. For
example, while the stereotypical bully is male, girls
are just as capable of bullying.
“Boys are more physical, more aggressive,
kicking, pushing and shoving,” Bhargava says. “For
girls, it’s more of a relational aggression.”
Girls tend to bully others by trying to control or
dominate a person, excluding others from social
situations and spreading rumors. It’s a sneakier
approach, which, she says, is becoming more
common, even among girls in earlier grades.
Another form of bullying is cyberbullying,
typically carried out using the latest technology.
Examples can range from hurtful postings on social
media sites, and threatening or hurtful e-mails
sent to the victim or to others about the victim. Cell
phones have also made it possible for bullies to send
intimidating, hurtful or threatening text messages
and/or photos to their victims.
“It’s
too
common,” says Frank Griffits, a detective
with the computer crimes unit of the Scottsdale
Police Department. “Social networking sites are so
well-suited for it.”
Griffits has seen, for example, kids create impostor
Facebook pages to hurt and degrade someone
they don’t like. All it takes are a few untrue posts
or comments on the fake page—perhaps about
the person’s sexual orientation or attitude toward
other races—to essentially spread a lie to an untold
number of people. What makes cyberbullying
even easier is the fact that teens and tweens often
share computer passwords and profile information.
Combine that with the on-again, off-again nature of
friendships during these years and you end up with
problems, he says.
The former school resource officer is also
dismayed at the prevalence of
“sexting,” the sending of sexually
inappropriate text messages or
photos via cell phone. When a
message or photo is sent without
someone’s knowledge—say, for
example, a spurned boyfriend
sends a revealing photo of his ex-
girlfriend to his friends in an attempt
to hurt and embarrass the girl—the
situation equates to cyberbullying.
What’s more, younger kids are
getting more involved in sexting
and sexting-related incidents of cyberbullying.
Every preteen these days seems to want a boyfriend
or a girlfriend, Griffits says.
“They don’t realize the magnitude of what
they’re doing when they pose for an inappropriate
photograph or write an unseemly sentence,” he says.
“And they certainly don’t understand how such things
can be used against them.”
While cyberbullying may give the bully a rush
because of the apparent anonymity often involved,
Griffits says there actually is very little anonymity.
Nearly any cyberbullying attack is “almost always
traceable,” he says, which is why so many people
turn to law enforcement for resolution.
And when law enforcement gets called in, bullies
may face charges. It’s not kid stuff anymore.
Cell phones have also
made it possible for bullies
to send intimidating,
hurtful or threatening text
messages and/or photos
to their victims.
✪
{
DID YOU KNOW?
}
While teenage boys pick on both boys and girls, teenage girls usually only bully other girls.