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maskmatters.org
SPRING
2011
Now What?
So, what’s a parent—or child—to do if bullying has
reared its ugly head in your lives? If your child has been
the target of a bully, it’s important to come up with ways
that your child can face the bully, Bhargava says, but those
responses will depend upon the intensity and severity of
the bullying.
“Sometimes, you do need to get the teacher or principal
involved and you need to explain to the child why,” she
says.
Confronting the bully alone directly typically isn’t the
right way to go, Mote says, but she adds that role playing
with a parent or friend can help build assertiveness.
Then, a child may be able to approach a bully while
accompanied
by a friend.
But Mote adds
one caveat:
The targeted
child should
not say that
the bully hurt
her feelings.
That only gives
the bully that
coveted power
once again.
Parents can
also make
changes around the home to keep their kids safe. Griffits
likes to remind parents to get involved with their kids’
lives and be available to them. That could mean nosing
around in their lives—literally. He says it’s important to let
them know that you’ll be searching their room, cell phone
or computer. Too many youths think they’re entitled to
privacy in their homes, and parents tend to support that
idea. That’s nonsense, he says.
“The Fourth Amendment of the Constitution protects
the general public from the police,” he says. “Parents, that
doesn’t apply to you. I try to dispel that notion. There are
no privacy laws for kids from their parents.”
In spite of all he’s seen on the job, this father of seven
embraces technology and urges other parents to do so as
well. But, he says, there are small changes you can
make to ward off bullies and to keep your own kids from
bullying tendencies themselves. First, he says parents
should utilize their server provider’s monitoring service.
For example, make sure text messages or photographs
sent from your child’s phone are automatically forwarded
to your computer or cell phone via e-mail.
“That’s going to curb [bad] behavior a lot,” he says,
adding that if your service provider doesn’t offer such a
service, there are third-party providers and software
that does.
Next, Griffits says parents should give their child’s
cell phone a curfew. Every night at, say, 10 p.m., make
sure their phone is turned in to you and keep it on the
charger in your bedroom all night. He’s also a huge
proponent of letting a pre-teen, or older child, have a
Facebook page or other social networking presence.
Doing otherwise is inviting trouble, he adds.
“I think it’s unwise not to allow it,” he says. “If you
disallow it, there’s so much pressure. Either they’re
going to have a friend make one or they’re going to
have one, one way or another.”
Again, just make sure you monitor the page and
computer use. At his own home, Griffits says underage
computer users don’t have the password so they can’t
boot up whenever they feel like doing so; they must
ask permission first. Another tact he and his wife
have taken is to come up with 10 family values that the
kids need to memorize. At any time, he says, the kids
should be able to talk about any of the values, which
may in turn be used to remind the youngsters how to
use technology properly and safely. One of the Griffits’
values, for example, is virtue. That could lead, he says, to
a brief discussion about how one should keep words and
thoughts clean when going online.
“Use every chance you can to talk about important
things that are important to your family,” he says.
So, come up with your own family values or tenets,
Griffits says, and give it a try. After all, talking with your
kids is one of the best ways to keep bullying at bay.
[While] adults and parents
are of course important as
re-enforcements, it is the
peers that can play a truly
powerful role, especially in
the heat of the moment.
bullying 101
✪
{
DID YOU KNOW?
}
Younger teens are more likely to bully or be bullied than older teens.