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SPRING
2011
maskmatters.org
49
'It Takes a Village'
Story // Carol Sowers
A
s a grandmother of five lively and self-
confident grandchildren ages 4 to 15,
I thought little of the disturbing news
of what experts call the “frightful epidemic of
bullying” in our nation’s schools. I assumed my
grandchildren knew how to protect themselves
from misguided schoolyard bullies who prey
on vulnerable children. I was wrong.
A few years ago, I took my then 9-year-old
granddaughter to school, accompanying her
to the playground to say hello to a teacher I
had known for many years. Just before the
bell rang, we heard another student tell my
granddaughter she wouldn’t be allowed
to play with their mutual friends at recess
because they didn’t like her anymore.
My granddaughter blinked back tears, but
said nothing. The teacher, wiser in the ways
of bullies than I, ordered the offender to stay
in from recess to write a paragraph about her
bullying behavior.
I told my granddaughter to ignore the girl,
recalling the advice I got when I was a child.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Ignoring
bullies empowers them.
“There is a common—and a very
mistaken—belief that [bullying] is okay,”
says Julie Hertzog, director of the Bullying
Prevention Project Pacer, a Minneapolis-
based organization for children with
disabilities, in
Family Circle
magazine.
“Many adults say bullying is a ‘normal
part of childhood’ or that ‘boys will be boys,’
but that’s just wrong,” she says. “None of us
should consider bullying normal or retreat
when we see a child humiliated or picked on
by a schoolyard tyrant. The stakes are too
high and too dangerous to ignore.”
Experts say the increase in violence
among children and the ease in which
children can obtain guns make it necessary
for parents to stress to their children
that saving face is secondary to saving
their own lives,” says Dr. Marilyn Benoit
of the American Academy of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry,
Reforming bullies is a daunting task.
Parents, teachers and school administrators
are on the front lines in the enduring
battle, but we all share the responsibility of
neutralizing young tyrants.
Former First Lady Hillary Clinton’s
advice that it “takes a village” of parents,
grandparents, aunts and uncles to raise
children is more relevant than ever.
Extended family members provide another
tier of protection for children, including
being on alert for the increasingly
toxic antics of budding bullies.
“At one time, you might just
get punched in the face,” Dr.
Benoit recalls about bullying
in past decades. “But now,
you can get shot.”
Meanwhi le, al l of us—
parents, grandparents and
extended fami ly—must
teach our chi ldren how to
disarm a bul ly by maintaining
eye contact, walking away and
asking an adult to intervene.
“Tell your children to seek adult
intervention. Bullies thrive on the fact
that their victims are too afraid and too
embarrassed to report them to adults
and authority figures. But experts say that
children need to expose them to parents,
school officials, even the police, if necessary,
if they want to put an end to harassment,”
says Dr. Benoit.
“We must not give children the message
that they’re weak when they turn to an adult
for help,” Benoit continues. “We’ve done that
too much. It starts in kindergarten when the
tattletale is ostracized. But we need to let
them know that it’s courageous to say, `I will
go and get the teacher.’ You want to teach
your child to use whatever resources are
available to minimize the risk.”
Minimizing the risk of harm to our children,
that’s a cause a whole village can embrace.
CAROL'S CORNER
“At one time, you
might just get punched
in the face,” Dr. Benoit
recalls about bullying
in past decades. “But
now, you can get shot.”