Basic HTML Version
bullying 101
50
maskmatters.org
SPRING
2011
DAD DIALED IN
Bullying:
One Father’s
Perspective
Story // Don Crews
‘‘
I
am the father of two teenage boys.
Over the course of their lives, we’ve
had to address the issue of bullying
several times. After many conversations
about how to handle bullies, my sons
and I came up with the Crews family
principles of conduct. They are:
1. Never bully another person.
2. If you witness another child
being bullied, you have a duty
to intervene.
3. Words are never a reason for a
physical confrontation.
We take these principles seriously
and, by all accounts, they’ve helped my
sons become confident in their abilities
to handle difficult situations.
It’s obvious that bullying has multiple
levels of influence and confusion. By this
I mean society has a set of rules, the law
has a set of rules, the school district has
a set of rules and the schoolyard has
a set of rules. All of these rules can be
very confusing to a child, which is why
it’s imperative for parents—especially
fathers—to keep those lines of
communication open.
In raising my own sons,
I’ve developed my own
way of talking with
them about difficult
subjects. There’s
a notion that dads
struggle with this
very simple, yet very
important, aspect of
child-rearing. This isn’t
necessarily true—it’s
simply about geography. It’s
been my observation that fathers
tend to communicate easily around
activities, from throwing a ball around to
doing chores around the house. Based
on how men interact, I believe this is
simply an evolutionary process that’s
part of our DNA.
Like most kids their age, my sons
have gone through their share of
growing pains. As challenging—and
oftentimes sensitive—as these moments
were, I was able to connect with them
while we were engaged in an activity
together. The bullying talks came up
during racquetball games, playing
ball at the park and on the golf course.
On a ski trip, I explained to my oldest
son that I’m not his biological father.
We had the “sex” talk during a day of
wakeboarding. And, as we shared a
burger at a local restaurant, my son and
I discussed the heartbreak of splitting
up with your first love.
No matter where you decide to
broach those important conversations,
to be effective, the process has to start
early and it has to be based on trust.
You can’t be emotionally absent during
your children’s early development
and expect positive outcomes
during difficult conversations as they
become teenagers. A child will give
unconditional love, but in order to reach
your kids as they grow and mature,
you have to establish trust before these
conversations even begin.
I have spent 17 years building a level
of trust through honesty and involvement
in my sons’ lives. They’ve asked me
some difficult questions about my own
past and I’ve always been honest with
them, which, according to them, has
helped them understand that people
make mistakes. It’s how you handle your
failures that dictate the kind of man you
will be.
✪
{
DID YOU KNOW?
}
Children with positive relationships with their parents are less likely to bully.