Abusive Teenage Relationships

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. As I wrote the last sentence I paused to reflect on the following facts: 1- it’s very sad that on top of all the pressures many of our teens face these days, they are also facing violence in relationships that they likely pursue for support and comfort, 2- as a prosecutor with a background in handling domestic violence cases, abuse in interpersonal relationships can often begin at a very young age, and 3- if an entire month is dedicated to raising awareness about this issue, we should take a minute to discuss it.

The American Psychological Association found that 41% of girls and 37% of boys between 14 and 20 years old reported experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse in a relationship. And while more than a third of teenagers have reported being in an abusive relationship, very few of them share that information with others.

An abusive relationship is defined as treating someone with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm, or force. It is meant to gain power and control over a dating partner, and includes unwanted sexual contact, threats, insults, humiliation, intimidation, and stalking. Teens don’t often speak up for some of the same reasons adults who are victims of domestic violence don’t speak up – fear and not knowing what to do. Many teens fear retaliation which could affect their own personal safety and their social circles in and out of school. Similarly, even when teens are ready to talk, they don’t know whom to speak with. What we do know, is that when a teen does speak up, they will often seek out a friend over speaking to a family member. We can change this dynamic by speaking about it more often and more openly with our children. This will allow them to feel safe and comfortable knowing the topic is one we can talk about and that as parents, we are here as a resource for them. Teens involved in unhealthy or abusive relationships are more likely to suffer from debilitating or limiting long-term consequences. These include: a dramatic decline in contact with their friends, an increase in anxiety or depression, aggression, alcoholism or drug abuse, anorexia or bulimia, thoughts of suicide, and sexually transmitted diseases.

This Valentine’s Day, a holiday usually associated with romance, flowers, and chocolates, please think about those teens who are experiencing abuse from their relationship partner. If you are a parent of a teen in a relationship, keep channels of communication open. All parents should be aware of resources available, including The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or loveisrespect at 1-866-331-9474. You can also text “loveis” to 77054.

Author: Adena Astrowsky, website: www.adenaastrowsky.com

Author’s bio: Adena Astrowsky is a government prosecutor and author of Living among the Dead. She has received an Amazing Women award from the Phoenix Suns and National Bank of Arizona for her professional and philanthropic work. She lives in Scottsdale with her three teenage children. www.adenaastrowsky.com

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/07/dating-violence https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/abuse.html

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