Boundaries can be taught through role play, modeling and some discussion to give them a context.
At this age, the concept of boundaries goes from a concrete concept about safety and rules to a more abstract concept about non-physical boundaries as the brain develops. Having discussions about the rules of relationships is really important at this stage and can include rules about touch and safety but should also include rules about respect, empathy, and personal advocacy. Being kind does not mean that your child needs to always say yes to everyone else or put the needs of other’s before theirs. Advocacy and positive conflict management are key tools to teaching elementary school kids so as to help them get their needs met as well as tolerate conflict that can occur when they say no to someone else. Helping your child tolerate rejection is just as important as helping them learn how to say no. It can hurt when someone says no to you, but that does not mean that they can use power or aggression to get their way. Rules about positive conflict management include acknowledging the conflict, seeing the other’s point of view, engaging in emotional regulation and being able to compromise. Modeling these tricks can help your child learn healthy ways to set boundaries.
Signs & Behaviors:
They can identify other points of view
They can acknowledge a disagreement is occurring
They can tolerate being told no
They can say no
They can advocate for their choices
They can tolerate losing
They will be inclusive while playing and not leave others out
They can regulate their intense emotions
What you can do:
Model good relationship boundaries
Promote problem solving using compromise
Promote frustration tolerance and how to tolerate not getting their way
Teach positive assertive communication
Talk about consent and respect
Teach about sharing the power in a relationship
Help them learn how to say no
Promote helpful behaviors
Teach them how to see another point of view
Focus on physical safety
Talk about empathy
Conversation Starters:
“What do you do when someone tells you no? How do you handle the emotions?”
“Can you tell me how you are feeling on the inside? It’s important to tell other people what you are feeing and thinking, especially when you are feeling upset, sad, or angry.”
“It is important to understand how others are feeling in a situation. How can you tell what another person is feeling?”
Readings for Kids:
Boundaries by Linda Straley
Doing and Being Your Best: The Boundaries and Expectations Assets by Pamela Espeland and Elizabeth Verdick
Empathy is your superpower by Cori Bussolari
Real Friends by Shannon Hale
Readings for Parents:
Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Help Your Children Gain Control of their Lives by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
C is consent by Eleanor Morrison
Raising good humans by Hunter-Clarke Fields
To learn more Add the Boundaries Issue to your MASK Library
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