Building Resilience

We can’t control the behaviors of others. And because of that, we can’t protect our kids from every negative experience. We can, however, give them the tools they need to deal with—and power through—those situations. Many times, the best way to protect children is to support them and help them grow through the good and bad times.

That’s where resilience comes in. Resilience is the ability to maintain self-esteem through hardship and bounce back. Studies show that resilience can be built. In other words, we can teach youth to be resilient by helping them build self-esteem, and by modeling and engaging them in strong, positive relationships.

Resilience and bullying work against each other. Bullying relies on reactions. When someone says something mean, they’re looking for a reaction to their words—especially negative words, which are used to tear the other person down. Resilience, however, counteracts this by making it difficult for the bully to get the desired reaction. This, in turn, deters the bully to bully others.

At the individual level, adolescents with high self-esteem experience less depression and engage in fewer delinquent behaviors after being bullied. At the familial level, Dr. Lucy Bowes, professor in experimental psychology at the University of Oxford in Oxford, England, says, “warm family relationships and positive home environments help to buffer children from the negative outcomes associated with bullying victimization.”

Resilience has been shown to prevent the experience of bullying in general and the development of bullying behaviors. It is all interconnected—positive family relationships lead to a healthy home environment, often improving self-esteem and leading to more resilient children who are less likely to be targeted and also less likely to bully.

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