Power Struggle

Setting boundaries—whether that means a rule about no sweets after dinner, a 9 p.m. sharp bedtime, or a restriction on dating until age 16—is daunting for most every parent and caregiver. Why? Let’s admit it: Boundaries prompt negative reactions, whether that be stone-cold silence from a teen or a tortured tantrum from a toddler. And the power struggles that ensue can be mentally and even physically exhausting.

“I think most kids intuitively know, or subconsciously know, how long they have to keep their parents going before (the parents) are worn out and just give in,” Fay muses.

But as he, and Maslow before him, have found, setting clear boundaries and establishing clear consequences is the right thing to do not only for parents, children and the entire family but also for society as a whole.

Whether parents are warning a toddler not to touch a hot stove or a teen to steer clear of alcohol or illegal drug use, they’re introducing boundaries into a child’s life and letting him know what kinds of behaviors are appropriate. What parents essentially are doing is teaching their kids to problem-solve for themselves, Infeld says, and starting this process when kids are young is a wise idea.

“You strive to give them choices, so that they start to think (things) through and think about how to fix their problems,” she adds.

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